


The problem is metal forks (y el capitalismo!)

by Probs_to_old_for_this



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: ANDY IS SOFT she just doesn't show it often y'all, Canon Queer Character of Color, Canon Queer Relationship, Comfort, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani and Nicky | Nicolò di Genova are in Love, M/M, Memes, Post-Merrick Arc (The Old Guard), Post-Movie: The Old Guard (2020), Soft Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani, Soft Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Team as Family, but like, explaining memes to Andy because she is old, lots of comfort y'all, no archive warning apply but let me know if you think I should change that!, no beta we die like they don't, not described in detail, soft andy, soft nile freeman
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 05:40:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28683444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Probs_to_old_for_this/pseuds/Probs_to_old_for_this
Summary: Just the team being soft when Nicky has a flashback to being shot by Keane, minor hurt, lots of comfort, family around the dinner table and a discussion of memes!
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 2
Kudos: 116





	The problem is metal forks (y el capitalismo!)

**Author's Note:**

> Yet another fic where they sit around and comfort each other because damn it that's all I want/can write! Thank you for reading, enjoy!

Three days have past since the team departed, leaving Booker to serve his exile. While they wanted to get as far away from London as possible, they were instead in a safehouse in Madrid until Copley could supply them with new identification. The team could only assume all of their current IDs were compromised by Booker, and use would risk them being caught by any of the survivors from the Merrick incident that might still be looking for them.  


Still, given the circumstances, the team seemed to be enjoying Spain as best they could. Andy’s wounds were healing well, Nicky and Joe seemed to be mentally healing okay, and Nile loved Spain. Perhaps it was the weather, or maybe that she could at least make an attempt at the language. _‘Thanks high school, for once’_ she thought. Nile found she was able to forget about everything that was stressful for at least a moment every day here.  


Today, the team had gone to Parque de El Retiro, which seemed to brighten even Andy’s mood. “She is always in better spirits when she is in a forest rather than a city,” Joe had explained when Nile mentioned how much calmer their boss had been.  


Now, as the heat became too menacing, they all returned from the park with takeaway paella and settled at the table of their safe ~~house~~ apartment. Nile was still in awe of the array of random, seemingly historical, artifacts that littered the apartment, and was once again looking around them at all the bookshelves that held the clutter.  


“Sorry for all the random junk strewn about, Nile,” Joe began. “We try to keep things here to sell when we need money, and haven’t cleaned it in, how long?” He said as he turned to Andy.  


Andy laughed, “Quite a while, last I remember was just after the fall of the dictator,” she said as she passed out forks and Nicky set their metal takeaway containers at the table.  


Nile’s jaw dropped, “wait, so like, 1975? That was before I was born! The dust in here is older than me!”  


“Nile you’re a baby, everything is older than you” Andy added, pinching Nile’s cheek while the woman slapped her hand away playfully.  


Nicky laughed as he lifted the fork to his mouth when, all of a sudden, the fork fell from his grasp. Rice scattered below him on the table while his other hand flew to cover his mouth. The look in the man’s eyes evident that he was somewhere else entirely. Andy and Nile turned to him with worried expressions as Joe immediately put one hand on Nicky’s shoulder and took the hand that was frozen on the table in his other. A moment passed before he said  


“Habibi?”… When that elicited no response Joe continued, “Nicoló,” gently shaking the man’s shoulder, which seemed to do the trick. Nicky inhaled sharply and turned to right to face Joe.  


He looked down and cleared his throat, “Perdonami, I-” the man started, but stopped as Joe gently wiped his tears away with his thumb. Nicky blinked, unaware of the tears that had fallen on his face. He started again, “Um, I am okay now,” he said as he took both of Joe’s hands in his own. “I am sorry I startled you all I just um-” he gazed back at the fork and food container and huffed “Ah, tasted the metal of the takeaway box on my fork and, it um…” He brought one of his hands to the back of his neck where only days ago a bullet had exited his skull. Nicky swallowed and looked up towards Andy and Nile and sighed, giving them a small smile when he noticed the realization on their faces that meant he didn’t need to explain himself any further. Joe began rubbing circles on his back as Nicky began to gather the spilled rice in a paper towel.  


“Shit, I’m sorry Nicky” Nile said as Andy began rummaging in the paper bags for more utensils. Nicky gave Nile a half smile. “Do you want to talk about it?” Nile asked, not sure how else to offer her comfort.  


Nicky seemed to think for a moment before answering, “No, I-... I don’t. Let’s talk about something else.” He said, then turned to Andy as she continued looking around the table and nearby shelves, frustrated. “It’s fine, Andy, I can still eat, it just caught me by surprise is all.”  


Andy didn’t acknowledge Nicky’s words, determined her brother would not be reminded of such violence while he was eating. “Ugh they didn’t put any plastic utensils with our food for some reason! I’d call and complain if we weren’t supposed to be laying low” Andy grumbled, sitting down in defeat of her search as Joe cringed from the table, hand still on his Love’s shoulder.  


“Ahhh about that…” he lowered his head in embarrassment, “That’s my fault, I told them we didn’t need any since we already had utensils here.” Andy tilted her head at the man until Joe continued “Nile says they’re bad for the environment!” Andy only raised her eyebrows at Joe, while Nile looked mortified to be pulled into the reason they had no non-metallic utensils for Nicky to use.  


Joe stood up to take the mess and the offending fork to the trash and sink respectively and said, overdramatically, “Per Dio, you try to help the environment, do your part, and you get glairs and ruin your husband’s dinner." He began rummaging in the kitchen for some sort of non-metallic utensil.  


“Amore, it’s okay, and you did not ruin my dinner.” Nicky half yelled to Joe in the Kitchen.  


“Maybe I did not ruin it but I shall save it, my love!” Joe said over his shoulder while Nicky rolled his eyes and turned to Nile. “Are the plastic forks really that bad for the environment? I did not know of this.”  


“I mean, it’s just more plastic in the world that doesn’t decay and gets thrown into the ocean eventually.” Nile added before Andy’s laugh interrupted her explanation. They both turned to Andy,  


“Oh kid, you think individual actions are the reason earth’s ecosystem is fucked and not the colonialism, capitalism, and consumption of the elite? You’ve got a lot to learn Nile,” She said as the others chuckled at the sad but true state of things.  


Nile waved her hand at Andy’s mini lecture, “Yeah, yeah, I know it’s really the fault of the elite and giant corporations but I just don’t want it on my conscious that I was part of the problem you know? I agree though, el problema es-“ Nile started, but was interrupted when Nicky joined in on the last two words, “EL CAPITALISMO!”  


Nile and Nicky made eye contact before they high fived and began cackling at the table.  


“Oh my God! I didn’t think you guys would know memes!” Nile exclaimed  


Nicky laughed “Oh yes, last year Joe and I were staking out this place, and knew we were going to be bored as shit so we got a cell phone to-“  


“The purpose, Hayati, was to check the news with that phone-” Joe interrupted from the kitchen before Nicky took over again.  


“Yes that _was_ the purpose mi Amor, but do not lie to our sisters about your _months_ -long obsession with I-funny, Tumble, and Twitter.”  


Joe pointed the chopsticks he found at Nicky as he corrected, “It was tumb- _ler_ , my Love.” Joe returned to the table, smiling at his achievment.  


Nicky gestured towards Joe, “I rest my case, only a true fan would bother to correct me about the pronunciation of a meme website.” Joe scrunched up his face in a fake glare at Nicky as he took Joe’s hand for a kiss. When Nicky began to pull his hand away Joe held fast, moving back and forth, fake confusion on his face.  


“Ah, it’s stuck again my love, you will have to eat with your left I’m afraid”, Joe stated plainly as he scooted his chair closer and wrapped his arm around Nicky, still holding his hand. Nicky laughed and kissed Joe. "Thank you, my Love." he said before situating his chop sticks to continue his meal. Nicky looked uneasily at the food, hoping the metal container had not caused all of his food to taste like the sharp metal of his first bite. Nile seemed to notice his hesitation and the dead end in conversation.  


“Joe we _have_ to get our hands on a phone so we can share the memes you know about” Nile said as she laughed. Nile missed sending memes back and forth with her brother, and was glad to find someone to laugh like this with again.  


“We will have to explain them to Andy to convince her of the value they have to warrant a phone.” Joe said, smiling wide.  


Andy put her head in her hands and mumbled a groan. “You guys, no- _children_ , we are _not_ getting a phone just for memes.” She said, raising her head out of her hands.  


“But you have not even seen this one Nile and I quoted!” Nicky protested, glad to have this conversation to focus on rather than his brief flashback.  


“Explain it to me then” Andy said, raising her hands in exasperation.  


Nile leaned closer to Andy, gesturing with her hands as she said “Okay so there’s this man playing cards and he is like, dramatically about to slam this one card” she says, swinging her arm in mock dramatic card playing, “on the table like it’s the most important card ever-”  


“Because it is!” Nicky added.  


“Yes! And the picture has text written over it and the table says una conversación casual, and on the man it says ‘yo’ and the card he is holding says” Nile explained, Joe and Nicky joining at the end where they all said in unison “el problema es el capitalismo!” and began to laugh again.  


Andy raised her eyebrows at the others before shrugging and half rolling her eyes. “okay I guess that is pretty good, still I’m not sure that’s in our best interest for safety reasons.”  


Nile sighed, “yeah I guess you’re right.”  


\------------------------------------------------------  


Later that night Nile, Joe, and Nicky were talking about the best memes they could think over a bottle of wine and cackling in the living room. Andy was in a chair, _trying_ to read, Joe sat on the floor on a pillow beside Nicky who was on the cough with Nile on the other end, her feet on Nicky’s lap. Andy listened for the first few, but resigned to her book quickly after, leaving the others to share in their absurd internet jokes. She tuned back in, however, when she heard Nile’s voice take on a quiet and more serious tone.  


“Memes were the best way I kept in touch with my little brother while I was deployed… Sometimes we didn’t really know what to talk about when I could call home, and him keeping me up-to-date with the latest meme was the easiest way we could find to laugh in that short time I had...” Nile explained, smiling but feeling a bit sad at the same time.  


Joe and Nicky both made sympathetic sounds at Nile, Nicky patting her leg. A moment passed. Joe, knowing that a heartfelt conversation would be better sober, launched into the next meme he could think of.  


“Have you seen the one with the woman and the cat yelling at each other?” He asked as they all fell back into a fit of laughter.  


Ten minutes of meme sharing later Andy put her book down and sighed while rolling her eyes. “Okay I’ll consider, emphasis on the _consider_ , a phone that _maybe_ can be used to also look at memes. Copley can probably provide something that can’t be traced easily. If we do this, though, you can only use cafe wifi, got it? And no creating accounts or posting memes, and first sign it’s a reason for trouble it’s gone. Got it?” She said, pointing at her intoxicated family. She knew she would need to reexplain her ground rules when the only reply she got was Joe clapping while Nicky yelled “vittoria!” Nile fixed Andy with a knowing look and smiled, “Thanks boss.”

**Author's Note:**

> Most of these were translated online so apologies for any errors! I will begin learning Italian and Arabic one day.  
> Habibi – Arabic, baby, darling, honey, affectionate word like those.  
> Perdonami – Italian, pardon me / I’m sorry  
> Per Dio – Italian maybe translated wrong – for God’s sake. The full translation was Per l’amor di Dio but it also said that was correct for Spanish when I know I just say Por Dios in Spanish so… I don’t know, when I start learning Italian maybe I’ll go back and fix these oof.  
> Amore - Italian – love  
> El problema es el capitalismo – Spanish ‘The problem is capitalism’ (My favorite meme)  
> Hayati - Arabic - my life  
> Mi amor – Spanish, my love  
> una conversación casual – Spanish ‘a casual conversation’  
> Yo – Spanish ‘I, me’  
> Vittoria – Italian, victory
> 
> I know next to nothing about the military and how often people can call home or text so I just kind of assumed it wouldn’t be all the time.  
> Also, I have no idea if the takeout containers I mention in this are in Europe but like, they exist. They are just thicker aluminum and they do make your food taste like metal if you use a metal fork with them


End file.
